actually, I'm a sock model
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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