Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize