i was born a porn star she said
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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