You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
