Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
