he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I die, sorry about rent.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
