Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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