47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
