thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
