Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do vagina's smell?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
