I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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