I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
