Will you blow on my dice?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
