I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
