I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
