I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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