apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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