He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
