If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
