I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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