I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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