eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
