kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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