There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
