Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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