So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
