The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
