I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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