sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
