and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
