I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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