Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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