question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
