is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
