No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
