Tell her she can't have a vagina
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
