Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
