So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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