you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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