Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
