i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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