smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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