I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
