he told me I talked like a deaf person
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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