Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
