before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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