ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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