the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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