just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
