He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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