nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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