pop tarts are not kleenex
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
