what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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