I'm drive I can fine osifer
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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