apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
