You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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