omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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