yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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