I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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