Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he fucked my hip out of place.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
