toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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