She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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