i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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