just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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