The maid of honor just puked.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize