I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
