dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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