i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
