OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
