Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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