I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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