Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
