I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
