Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
