He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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