hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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