it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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