i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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