Small penises have feelings too.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
