mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize