he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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