Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she woke up with a sticky ear
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
