All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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