I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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