My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
