The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
