I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
