So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
