Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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