He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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