you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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