the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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