Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
