I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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