I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
