one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
