Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
