He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
