Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
