I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
