Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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