She said her name was "party"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
