she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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