I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
