You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
