I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
