I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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