Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
