i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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